Karin Hitselberger remembers struggling with her body image and femininity at a young age. The blogger who describes herself as a “plus-sized woman in a wheelchair” says that the bulk of her body image issues stemmed from internalized ableism. She often felt that her womanhood was negated by her visible disability. Not only did this affect her self-perception, but it also impacted how others treated her, especially her male counterparts.
When Hitselberger was an adolescent, boys and men would use sexual innuendos around her and make inappropriate remarks because they didn’t see her as a “real girl.” She was subjected to humiliating treatment. She was bigger than other girls and that added to what made her different from other girls her age.
All too often, our society desexualizes and dehumanizes disabled people; that is to say, they are seen as innocent children who need to be guided through life, but cannot fight back against harassment and abuse. This can create trauma that disabled people are ill-equipped to talk about not because they are incapable, but because an ableist society fails to give them the tools and the power to heal from such traumas. Hitselberger can attest to this. Guys her age would come out and tell her she didn’t count as a “real girl.” She internalized these statements and became convinced that she would never measure up.
Hitselberger says that this mistreatment impacted her self-image, and she developed internalized ableism and body image issues. This isn’t uncommon for young women with visible disabilities. Multiple studies have confirmed that visibly disabled women wrestle with negative body image related to their disabilities.
One study published in Sociological Focus asked 21 physically disabled female college students about how they saw themselves and what they thought the ideal woman looked like. The study found that many of the women interviewed believed the ideal woman to be incongruent with having a visible disability. Some of the women reported that they imagined the ideal woman as “not misshapen” and “toned.”
Certain types of disabilities can cause a person’s body to look different from the norm set by able-bodied society. The women that used terms that aren’t typically associated with disabilities, felt as though they couldn’t meet ideal beauty standards. Being inundated with impossible standards can’t be helpful to those who are already put at a societal disadvantage. If anything, it adds to the pressure, which may exacerbate existing mental health issues.
Another study published in Social Science & Medicine found that women with disabilities suffer from lower self-esteem not because of their disability, but because of the stigma attached to disability in society at large. The study found that disabled women’s self-esteem also relied on a series of mitigating factors such as their age, the severity of their disability, and the level at which they can engage with others. For Hitselberger, feeling ostracized by her peers contributed to the way she saw herself. She relied on behaviors like restricting her food intake, bingeing, and purging to self-soothe. She longed to be like other girls, and if she couldn’t be able-bodied, she could be thin.
As someone who’s also physically disabled and struggles with an eating disorder, I know all too well the biases that Hitselberger faced. Not only does able-bodied society contribute to body image issues amongst disabled people, but it also shames us and discourages us from seeking treatment.
Hitselberger spent years denying that she had a problem. In a poignant blog post entitled “Ending the War: Refusing to Hate Your Body as a Radical Act,” she opens up about her struggles with eating disorders and how ableism impacts her body image as a disabled woman. She discussed how medical professionals and others in charge of her care inadvertently body-shamed her.
“Since I needed help, my body existed for public consumption, and it need not be an inconvenience to others. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get small enough, and so I found myself constantly worrying, hating my body once again for failing me, for failing to meet other people’s expectations.”
This isn’t unique to Hitselberger’s story. Plenty of disabled people I know have felt pressured to maintain a certain body weight to make their carer’s job easier. Whether intentional or not, carers and society at large can make disabled people feel like burdens. But its effects are all the same—disabled people suffer low self-worth. I personally experienced this when I was younger. A school-employed physical therapist (PT) tried to put me on a low-carb diet when I was in second grade. Though the incident didn’t directly cause my eating disorder, I believe it planted a seed. It scares me to think that this is still happening. Disabled children are still pressured to lose weight, making their relationship to their body precarious. We need to foster healthy body image for the next generation of disabled children.
