On February 8th, 2019, pop singer Ariana Grande released her fifth studio album, “Thank U, Next” with 12 songs, including three singles (“thank u, next”, “Imagine”, and “7 Rings”). It’s fair to say this is a memorable one, with each individual song already within Apple Music’s Top 20 charts.

As I listened, I noticed the emotional intimacy of certain songs resonated with my struggle with mental illness, primarily with my Borderline Personality Disorder.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a severe mood disorder of intense emotions, overpowering fears of abandonment, self-destructive behaviors, and unstable identity. This affects how we see the world, people, and ourselves. We never have stability, we experience life in extremes which cause drastic actions that harm ourselves and loved ones.

Borderlines are stigmatized as abusive and manipulative – which is unfortunate, since BPD stems from (besides chemical imbalance) childhood abuse and/or trauma. Each day is a fight against our own mind – a fight that certain lyrics from Grande’s newest album depict in a casually relatable way.

Grande’s ex-fiance, Pete Davidson, suffers from BPD. In a 2017 Saturday Night Live segment titled, “Weekend Update: Pete Davidson on Mental Health”, Davidson disclosed his (at the time) recent BPD diagnosis.

Davidson opened up more about his diagnosis in an interview in Marc Maron’s “WTF” podcast: “It’s like, ‘You hate me, don’t you?’” Davidson said. “Whatever question I ask, I’m expecting the opposite answer. That can be pretty f-cking frustrating for the other person. They’re just so strung out and tired of answering the same exact f-cking question… And then as soon as they break down, you go, ‘See, I knew it!’”

It’s not hard to see Davidson’s symptoms through his actions, posts, and comments. Davidson’s openness of his struggle has been impactful on the mental illness community. Similarly, (though more sincerely) Grande has opened up about her struggle with anxiety and PTSD from the 2017 Manchester Bombing at her concert, bringing awareness and comfort to fellow anxiety sufferers and fans worldwide.

There’s no way to know the exact meaning behind Grande’s lyrics, but their relation to BPD sufferers (though likely unintentional) and mental illness overall is one I picked up on instantly:

Song: “Needy”

‘I’m obsessive and I love too hard

Good at overthinking with my heart’

Borderlines make people up to be perfect, regardless of flaws – not in a romantic way, in an intense, obsessive, harmful way that is to ourselves, and inevitably the other person. We switch from this extreme to the opposite – irrational hatred, impulsive anger and the urge to act on it.

‘Sorry if I’m up and down a lot

Sorry that I think I’m not enough

And sorry if I say sorry way too much’

‘Lately, I’ve been on a roller coaster

Tryna get a hold of my emotions

But all that I know is I need you ‘

Borderlines over-apologize for their actions whether or not the context warrants an apology. My emotions are a rollercoaster. I struggle with trying to get a hold of them and it is painful to think it can negatively affect those around me, especially when I just need their support.

‘You can go ahead and call me selfish (selfish)

But after all this damage, I can’t help it (Help it)’

Borderlines often feel selfish and annoying by how much reassurance, validation, and attention we need, and how quickly depressed and terrified we get without it. We constantly panic over the idea we might not actually be loved, we are always afraid of being abandoned. We need to be acknowledged and reassured we’re cared about because we genuinely never believe we are unless we are reminded – and it makes us feel needy.

Song: NASA

‘You don’t wanna leave me, but

I’m tryna self-discover

Keep me in your orbit and you

Know you’ll drag me under’

This is clearly about her split from Davidson. Dating someone/being friends with someone who is mentally ill is tough. We need extra support and patience, love, and understanding. Boundaries are crucial, if you’re with someone who is mentally ill, you need to look out for yourself too. I had a friend who I drove away with my toxic habits brought on by my BPD and my difficulty managing it. Although she did love me, my downhill mental spiral was harming her own recovery. She left me for herself because ‘if she kept me in her orbit, we both knew I’d drag her under’.

Song: In My Head

‘Painted a picture; I thought I drew you well

I had a vision of seeing what isn’t there

‘Falling, falling, needed something to believe in,

But it was all in my head’

You’re so absorbed, you don’t realize you aren’t into them. You’re into the idea of them, the version you dream about at night, the person you wish for and convince yourself is true in your head. For Borderlines, this behavior is amplified by our disorder and spins out of control.

Singers are artists who bring poetry to life through music. Ariana Grande does so masterfully with this newest album, not just for Borderlines, but for anyone struggling with mental illness or insecurity of any kind.

It’s extremely unlikely these lyrics were specific about BPD, this is just my interpretation and view as to how it can impact fellow Borderlines. Though there have been no specific lyric explanations (yet) for Thank U, Next, Grande openly explained that her song “Get Well Soon” from her previous album, Sweetener, was about her anxiety. Grande tweeted, 

isss ab my anxiety. i felt like i was floating for like 3 months last year & not in a nice way. like i outside my body? was v scary and i couldn’t breathe well. so it’s ab that. & lots of voices in my head singin. i hope it comforts ppl who hear it pls

— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) May 29, 2018

Tweet description: “(It’s about) my anxiety. I felt like I was floating for like 3 months last year & not in a nice way. Like I (was) outside my body? (It) was (very) scary and I couldn’t breathe well. so it’s (about) that. & lots of voices in my head singin’. I hope it comforts ppl who hear it pls”

Additionally, the singer further opened up about the importance of the song in a radio interview with Beats 1’s Ebro Darden, in this, she says, “Mental health is so important. People don’t pay enough mind to it because we have things to do, we have schedules we have jobs, kids, places to be, pressure to fit in, Instagram stories, whatever the f-ck you’re trying to put on, a facade to keep up, people don’t pay attention to what’s happening inside.”

Anxiety Disorders, Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Personality Disorders, Psychotic Disorders, and all in between are valid. If you don’t suffer from mental illness, be an ally – check in on those who are struggling, offer support, show your love, and help us end the stigma – and be kind to all, you never know what someone is going through on the inside. Life with Borderline Personality Disorder is difficult, but it is agreed by doctors and patients alike that Borderlines are some of the most caring, passionate lovers and friends you could ever ask for. When we love, we love wholeheartedly, when we care, we care immensely – all we ask in return is understanding, patience, and reassurance.